I have found that men tend to respond to grief much differently than do women. Whereas women are prone to process grief verbally and socially, men tend to retreat to their “caves” and process grief in private. I’m not saying that this is a good thing—in the end, I believe that true healing requires verbal processing, regardless of gender, i.e., talking about the deepest feelings. I am just saying that this is far more “natural” for women than for men. But it also explains how men are treated when they go through grief…essentially alone!

My office answering machine is a good illustration. When my wife fought (and lost!) a two-month battle with aggressive colon cancer in 2005, the “traffic” on my office answering machine went from 5 or 6 messages a day to virtually nothing. Actually, that’s not completely correct—there was one message, and that was from a woman colleague!

Perhaps it’s true that “men are from Mars and women are from Venus!” In other words, men overtaken by grief should not be surprised by their experience, which may be quite different from that of women. And they should not be surprised to find that grief support groups (which they sorely need!) are dominated by women. I’ve provided some valuable aids to grieving men in my book, “Transforming the Valley of Grief: Men Finding Hope and Their Path Following the Loss of Loved One.” This book is unique in that it explores the experience of grief from a male perspective, providing helpful tips to survive, and even transform “the Valley of Grief” into “a door of hope.” (Hos. 2:15, ESV)

testing ping network

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