I have been reflecting of late on the role that fear plays in the grieving process, when a man (or woman!) loses someone dear. C. S. Lewis began his book, A Grief Observed, with the following sentence: “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” And he is spot-on right! The overwhelming emotion for me in the early days of grief following the loss of my wife after 31 blessed years of marriage was fear. “How will I make it on my own?” “How can I possibly survive without her?” “I am so afraid…not only of the future, but of the present!” Those were the questions and thoughts spinning through my brain during those dark times.
What helped me the most at those times were three important thoughts, which are really the same thought. Please understand that I write from a decidedly Christian perspective. Those thoughts were: 1) I am not alone…others have experienced such loss and survived to tell about it. They have “blazed the trail” for me to follow. 2) I am not alone…my brothers and sisters in Christ are there for me. I need to allow them to come alongside and help me walk through “the Valley of the shadow of death.” And 3) I am not alone…as the Scriptures say, “…but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Prov 18:24, ESV) I believe this is referring to the Lord, and I can attest to His “sticking close” during my own Valley wanderings. You can read about my Valley journey from darkness to light, from grief to hope, from fear to trust, in my book, “Transforming the Valley of Grief: Men Finding Hope and Their Way Following the Loss of a Loved One.” God bless you as you navigate your own Valley, or as you help another negotiate such a Valley. It is a scary place. But remember, you are not alone!
What helped me the most at those times were three important thoughts, which are really the same thought. Please understand that I write from a decidedly Christian perspective. Those thoughts were: 1) I am not alone…others have experienced such loss and survived to tell about it. They have “blazed the trail” for me to follow. 2) I am not alone…my brothers and sisters in Christ are there for me. I need to allow them to come alongside and help me walk through “the Valley of the shadow of death.” And 3) I am not alone…as the Scriptures say, “…but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Prov 18:24, ESV) I believe this is referring to the Lord, and I can attest to His “sticking close” during my own Valley wanderings. You can read about my Valley journey from darkness to light, from grief to hope, from fear to trust, in my book, “Transforming the Valley of Grief: Men Finding Hope and Their Way Following the Loss of a Loved One.” God bless you as you navigate your own Valley, or as you help another negotiate such a Valley. It is a scary place. But remember, you are not alone!
